The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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