Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
