Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
