his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
