My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
