So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
