They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
