half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
