Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
