how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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