I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
