you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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