Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Randomize
