im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
