i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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