My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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