dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
