Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
