My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
