I CAN MOONWALK!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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