Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
