A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize