I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
