You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you win again, gameday.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
