watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
