I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
