real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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