i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
