i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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