why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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