she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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