Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
