My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
