apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
