Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
