I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
