I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
