guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
