woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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