Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
