Porn is love you can see.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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