I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
