Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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