You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
