I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
