Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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