when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize