Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I want a musical about memes.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
