my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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