I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
