I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
