Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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