Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i think my cat just said my name.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
