I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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