They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
