It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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