i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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