It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
