So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
