just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
pray to the hookup gods
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize