Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
