my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found the puke drawer
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
