You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
