i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he puts the penis in happiness.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
