My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
