I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
