During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize