If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
