whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
