This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
