My room smells like vodka and shame
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
