fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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