You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so let's talk penis.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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