Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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