Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
