I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
