This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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