They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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