did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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