Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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