Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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