Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
