she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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