the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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