dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
