Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
