ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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