i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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