Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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