I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
