dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
