C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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