apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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