U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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