you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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