I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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