is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
