he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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