for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
