if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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