Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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